Viking Christmas List

A Holiday Primer for Vikings

And the Shieldmaidens Who Love Them

Books. Vikings need books. Most notably, Vikings need to know their Heimskringla inside and out—the legendary early kings of Sweden and Norway as recorded by the equally legendary Snorri Sturluson. You’ll also want the Eddas, which come in two flavors: The Prose Edda and the Poetic/Elder Edda, just released in a new translation. That’ll catch you up on the Norse gods and all that good stuff.

You’re also going to want to stock up on Icelandic Sagas. The best introductory collection for your money is Penguin’s Sagas of the Icelanders: it has Egil’s Saga, Laxdaela Saga, the Greenlanders, Erik the Red, all the classics. You’ll also want the Orkneyinga Saga, Saga of Hrolf Kraki, Islendingabok, and Landnamabok. Little Vikings and their parents will love Leif the Lucky, the world’s most hardcore children’s book. Of course, there are also a lot of modern Viking histories, like these two.

Blades. Vikings need blades. Axes, knives, you name it. Decorative axes. Freakishly functional axes. A Norwegian philosophy of chopping things with axes. Everyday knives. Germanic facial knives. Saxon knives.

Beards. Vikings need beards. Beard Commander Wonder Balm will help you with a strong and healthy beard. So will Grimfrost of Sweden, and the Old Familiar Comb Company.

Booze. Vikings need booze. Vikings especially need medieval Scandinavian mead, Finnish lakka, Orkney Ale, and Icelandic Brennivin—you know, for Thorrablot.

What else do Vikings need? Well, they like wooden pagan idols and wooden Christian churches. Maybe a nice longship or shieldwall to defend the Christmas tree. Highly effective woolen hats and related attire are good for those long Fimbulvinters in Niflheim. And savory salty salmiakki is pretty great. Oh, and perhaps a nice Julebukk or his more modern equivalent, Don’t Cuddle the Krampus. After all, one should always let one’s freak flag fly. That should get you started, methinks.