This Is (Not) a Test
A Reading from the Book of Sirach:
My son, if you come forward to serve the Lord,
prepare yourself for temptation.
Set your heart right and be steadfast,
and do not be hasty in time of calamity.
Cleave to him and do not depart,
that you may be honored at the end of your life.
Accept whatever is brought upon you,
and in changes that humble you be patient.
For gold is tested in the fire,
and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation.
Trust in him, and he will help you;
make your ways straight, and hope in him.
You who fear the Lord, wait for his mercy;
and turn not aside, lest you fall.
You who fear the Lord, trust in him,
and your reward will not fail;
you who fear the Lord, hope for good things,
for everlasting joy and mercy.
Consider the ancient generations and see:
who ever trusted in the Lord and was put to shame?
Or who ever persevered in the fear of the Lord and was forsaken?
Or who ever called upon him and was overlooked?
For the Lord is compassionate and merciful;
he forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.
The Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.
Homily:
Lord, we pray for the preacher, for you know his sins are great.
Alleluia! Christ is Risen! He is Risen indeed! Alleluia!
Grace, mercy and peace to you from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
Passages, such as this evening’s reading from the Book of Sirach, used to make me rather uncomfortable. “Prepare yourself for temptation.” “Accept whatever is brought upon you.” “Tested … in the furnace of humiliation.” Sounds a bit like the glorification of suffering, doesn’t it? Must God test us so? Must we prove our love in pain? Need we be masochists, self-flagellants for the Lord?
In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus says, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” And as a kid, I’m thinking, “Is there a non-crucifixion option here?” How literally do I need to take this? Are Christians to go out looking for trouble, seeking out crosses? When hardship befalls us, are we to suck it up as divine hazing? “Thank you, sir! May I have another?”
What it boils down to, really, is that I just didn’t like the idea of God testing me all the time. I was one of those kids who took school maybe a little too seriously. At least mine proved a productive anxiety; it kept me right at the top of the class. But I’m 43 years old now, and sometimes I still have nightmares about exams I didn’t study for, finals for classes I did not attend. And that’s a little messed up, don’t you think, that the stress of that has stayed with me into my middle age?
I didn’t want tests from God. I had enough tests in my life already. Because sometimes it just feels like everything’s a test, doesn’t it? Get good grades, get into a good school, get a good job. Be a good neighbor, worker, husband, father. Keep up the yard, keep up the house, keep the kids happy and healthy, don’t screw everything up. Some days you stop and wonder, “Who am I carrying all these bricks for? Who am I killing myself for? What do I still have to prove?”
I don’t want life to all be one big exam. Most men just want peace. I’m a relatively simple guy. If I won the lottery tomorrow—which is unlikely, given that I’m told you need to buy a ticket—I wouldn’t buy fancy things. I’d probably preach on Sundays, but during the week I’d be happy with long walks and good books. The greatest luxury in our world is to stop running the rat race, to stop being tested all of the time. That’s what I would do, if I could do anything.
But I’m older now, and I’ve been through rather a lot more than I’d ever imagined. Additionally, I know that there’s a lot more yet to come: more joys, more sorrows, more surprises. And so I read passages like this very differently now. I don’t believe for a moment that God wants us to seek out trials and crosses and hardships and pain. We don’t have anything to prove to God, who knows us infinitely better than we know ourselves, who is closer to us than our jugular.
Rather, I now understand that hardships are going to come regardless. Your cross will show up whether you want it to or not. Because that’s what life is: it is growth and change and death and rebirth. And that’s hard no matter who you are. The Buddha wasn’t far off: life is suffering, made worse by our desires. And we can’t change that. We can’t change the nature of change. All we can do in this world is live in lovingkindness, acceptance, awareness, peace, and hopefully humor.
Mind you, in the world of the Bible there were not exams. There were not pass/fail tests, multiple choice or bluebook essay. When the Scriptures speak of “testing” and we immediately imagine calculus class, we’re being anachronistic. Instead, when the Bible speaks of testing, it is speaking of metal. You can take a rough ore, heat it, hammer it, quench it, repeat. And that hardship, that breaking, will result in something strong and pure and lovely: gold, silver, copper, iron.
The promise of the Scriptures—of Sirach and of Jesus—is that when hardship comes, we are not alone. God in Christ is with us. He is shaping us, molding us, purifying us, so that hardships which seem to be our destruction are really the route to rebirth. Life will break us down if we should seek to go it alone. I feel like all of postmodern society is teaching us that: the cult of individual simply does not work. But with faith added, with the presence of God acknowledged, suffering becomes strength.
I’m not just talking about, “Hey, it builds character.” No. I’m promising that whatever we go through, whatever we face, Jesus Christ is with us; in us, beside us, leading us on the way. Anything we suffer, He has suffered first. Any cross we bear, He has borne before. And because He is with us, because He keeps His promises, outlandish as they are, we know that when we suffer stress, loss, disease, despair, it is not our end. Evil cannot and will not have the final word.
What seems to be our death shall be our resurrection. The ore that we are shall burn in the fire, and we shall emerge purified, strengthened, and shining. God does not cause suffering, God does not will suffering, but in Jesus Christ He suffers with us. And He can take that suffering, take that pain, and shape it in His loving and crucified hands into hope and joy and limitless life. Take up your cross and follow Him, for Jesus knows the Way. Jesus is the Way, and the Truth, and the Life.
Now these passages hit differently, don’t they? “For gold is tested in the fire … Trust in him … make your ways straight, and hope … wait for his mercy and turn not aside … trust in him … hope for good things, for everlasting joy and mercy … For the Lord is compassionate and merciful; he forgives sins and saves in time of affliction.” Indeed, life is pain within the broken sphere of this fallen world.
But take heart! For Christ has overcome the world. Cleave to Him and do not depart.
Alleluia! Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia!
In the Name of the Father and of the +Son and of the Holy
Spirit. Amen.
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