'Til Death?

Midweek Vespers
The Fifth Week After Epiphany

A Reading from Mark’s Gospel:

He left that place and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan. And crowds again gathered around him; and, as was his custom, he again taught them.

Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

The Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God.

Homily:

Lord, we pray for the preacher, for You know his sins are great.

Grace, mercy and peace to you from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

“In the late 1800s”—according to Mental Floss Magazine—“residents of Corinne, Utah, could buy divorce papers from a vending machine for $2.50 (though their legality was frequently disputed).”

Divorce is a minefield for the preacher due to the simple fact that it touches so many of our lives, including my own. My mother was my father’s second wife. If it weren’t for divorce and remarriage, I wouldn’t be here. And when Jesus’ teachings on marriage and divorce come up in the lectionary, one can’t very well skip them. They become the elephant in the room.

The Church traditionally has held marriage in very high regard, and for good reason. Throughout the Scriptures, the love that God holds for His people, the care that He shows for Creation, is likened unto the bond between a husband and a wife. Israel, in the Prophets, is the chosen spouse of Yahweh. The Church, in Christian Scripture, is the spotless Bride of Christ.

So if marriage is a symbol of God’s love, a divine promise made visible in the union of husband and wife, then obviously we don’t want to cleave that bond. God’s love is unconditional, and so ought ours to be. His promise is unbreakable, and so ought ours to be. But the problem is that we aren’t God, are we? We break our promises all the time, whether we mean to or not. And the truth is that divorce has been a reality within the Christian Church from the very beginning, even if we typically tend to sweep it under the rug.

In the Church Fathers, marriages to pagans were not considered binding. If only one spouse was Christian—a regular occurrence in the Early Church—divorce was not an issue. No Baptism, no sacrament; no sacrament, no foul.

The Eastern Church has always held a rather practical stance on divorce: namely, everybody gets one. That’s the concession to human fallibility. One divorce, while tragic, is no obstacle to remarriage. The new couple is expected to repent, but not to maintain a life of perpetual celibacy. A second divorce seeking a third marriage is cause for concern and must needs be discussed at length with your priest, but it isn’t out of the question. And a fourth marriage is right out! Them’s the breaks in the Christian East.

The West might scoff at this, but we seek out loopholes of our own. The Roman Catholic Church speaks of annulment, which—theological niceties aside—is really just divorce by another name, one requiring extended effort and expense. My favorite inadvertently humorous justification for divorce and remarriage comes from John Calvin, who said that really the punishment for adultery ought to be death—and if the state isn’t willing to kill your ex, well, that’s no fault of yours.

When Jesus spoke of divorce, He was teaching within a very specific context, that of the Ancient Near East and the Hellenistic world. Back then the major schools of Jewish religious thought were the House of Hillel and the House of Shammai. For the most part, Shammai was a stickler while Hillel was more loosey-goosey. Yes, that is a horribly unfair generalization, but here’s an illustrative example:

If an ugly woman were to ask you on her wedding day whether or not she looked pretty, Shammai would say that you have to tell her she does not. Little white lies don’t fly with Shammai. But Hillel taught that every bride is beautiful on her wedding day. Isn’t that true? Hillel’s a good guy. I think he’d be very popular were he teaching today.

But hold up, because when it came to divorce, Hillel taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason whatsoever—even if she burned his dinner! And back then, divorce for a woman often meant penury and destitution.  2000 years ago, ex-wives didn’t have a lot of options. If her husband disowned her, she was out on the street, with no protection, no provision, no shelter. And Hillel was cool with that. Just ditch her, man. You do you.

Not Shammai. For Shammai, marriage meant something. Family was more important to him than male prerogatives of power. If the marriage were already broken—through abuse or adultery or deception—then, yes, Shammai would grant a divorce. The sanctity of marriage cannot be an excuse to enable traumatic situations. But neither could a man kick his wife to the curb whenever he felt like it. That was just wrong. Ending a marriage means more than just stopping by a vending machine and putting in $2.50.

Jesus’ teachings on divorce are in line with the House of Shammai. Women are not disposable. Family is not a joke. Those who have privilege and power in any given relationship have a responsibility to love, comfort, protect, and provide for those who love and depend on them, period. It must be about love, trust, and truth.

Marriages end. That’s just a fact. And it’s hard and traumatic, yes. It causes deep pain, and should never be entered lightly. But you don’t need to tell that to people who’ve been through it. They know better than anyone both the consequences and the cost. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Yet the Church is not a courtroom for sinners but a hospital for souls. Here we believe in truth, justice, mercy, forgiveness, resurrection and new life, all embodied in the person of Jesus Christ. We are born children of a fallen humanity. By water and the Holy Spirit, we are reborn children of God.

The bottom line is that often we break our promises. And that’s awful, but it’s not the end. And the reason it’s not the end is that Jesus never breaks His promises to us.

In the Name of the Father and of the +Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.