Gruss vom Krampus

Briefly composed during the drive home with three small children in the minivan following a family dinner this evening.

An Ode to Krampus

They say that Mister Krampus is a devil or a demon,

But what if he were something just a little more droll?

I’m not sayin’ it’s a notion I endorse or I believe in,

But if he were a goblin or an ogre or a troll—

Mightn’t we invoke him for a special sort of season,

A time when children need to learn a humble fear of God?
Hey, I don’t mean we should call on him without a decent reason,

But a monster visit now and then, that’s really not so odd.

I love my kids and wouldn’t want them dragged into the mountains,
But a ride in Krampus’ basket makes a certain sort of sense.
When he comes at you with lolling tongue and all your sins accountin’,

Then your moral compass tightens up and conscience grows intense.

So surely then, it couldn’t hurt, with basic supervision,
Just to let him chase the tykes about the house a lap or two.
That he hangs around with Santa Claus we take to be a given,

And St. Nicholas, I’m guessing, wouldn’t let him follow through.

I’m not saying there’s a Krampus; I’m not saying he’s invited.

But the Krampusnacht is coming up as autumn starts to turn.

So were I to leave a birch switch on the mantle where he’d sight it—
Well, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if my kids a lesson learn.