The Holly and the Ivy

A Wedding Homily

Grace, mercy and peace to you from God our Father and from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Amen.

You know, one of my favorite Christmas carols is “The Holly and the Ivy.” It may seem a bit odd to bring up the Yuletide here, at an early May wedding, but believe me, my kids are already asking when we get to put up the tree again.

What I most enjoy about this song is not just the beauty of the music but the story behind it. You see, there are two versions of “The Holly and the Ivy.” There’s the Christian version, with which most of us are probably familiar, and then there’s the pre-Christian version. In the pre-Christian version, holly represents the male of the species and ivy the female. And the early lyrics boast bawdily about how the holly always gets the better portion, how the holly is always the boss.

Holly stand in the hall, fair to behold.

           Ivy stand without the door; she is full score a-cold.

Holly and his merry men, they dancin’ and they sing;

           Ivy and her maidens, they weepin’ and they wring.

Ivy hath chapped fingers; she caught them from the cold.

           So might they all have, aye, that with ivy hold!

And so on and so forth, verse after verse, about how much more wonderful it is to be a man, and how women need to learn to suck it up. And after each of these couplets comes the refrain:

Nay, ivy, nay, it shall not be, I wis

           Let holly have the mastery, as the manner is.

See, that’s the version we don’t hear on the radio, the good old boys’ version. Might get yourself in a spot of trouble if you chose to sing that at a holiday concert. But then along comes Christianity, and suddenly the old song is given new words. Holly still represents a man, mind you, and ivy is still a woman. Now, however, the characters are Jesus and Mary, and their relationship is anything but oppressive.

The song still sings of the differences between the two—betwixt the holly and the ivy, the woman and the man—but these differences no longer prove the superiority or dominance of the one over the other. Rather, they demonstrate complementarity, the dependence of each upon its partner. Their unique characteristics no longer compete; rather, they exist to serve their beloved.

The holly bears a blossom, but can only do so because the ivy bears him. (Take note, husbands.) The holly grows a berry, but can only do so because the ivy grows him. The holly produces strong prickles, but can only do so because the ivy produces his strength. The holly suffers bitter bark, but can withstand it because the ivy suffers with him. Everything they do—Christ and Mary, the male and female—they do only with and through and for each other. They are not the same, but one does not lord over the other. They have intertwined to produce new life and beauty together.

I would be hard-pressed to come up with deeper metaphor for Christian marriage. We come together, man and woman, husband and wife, because we have found in each other a beauty, a completeness, a strength that we do not possess on our own. In holy matrimony we intertwine our lives like the tendrils of the holly and the ivy, binding ourselves, committing ourselves, but not losing ourselves. In marriage we do not cease to become individuals. You will still be Becca, and you, Ben. But now you both shall free each other to be more fully yourselves.

From now on, everything you have, everything you experience, everything you are, will be shared. You are no longer your own; you belong to each other. This means that you will share joy and excitement and adventure, yes! You will be happy together, passionate together. But as the song reminds us, true love is so much more than just feeling in love. In this marriage there will also be thorns and bitterness. There will be hardships and unexpected challenges. Love means sacrifice, and sacrifice means suffering. That’s why our greatest symbol for love is the cross.

Remember that from this point onward, you are never alone. This will be your greatest strength and, most likely, your greatest struggle as well. You always have each other, even when there’s miscommunication, even when you fight. It’s true what they say: the more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. But that’s how you know your relationship is real. That’s how you know you’re alive.

Marriage has always been a symbol of God’s relationship with His people Israel, of Christ’s relationship with His Bride the Church. In this union, we become a true family, a living icon of the love of God offered for all of humanity. Without the grace and humility and self-sacrificial love of Christ and Mary before our eyes—without the Holy Family as our model—we can often come to view life together as a competition. This may be clearer to you five or 10 years down the line. Yet the trials we endure together are but our growing pains, leading us to greater, fuller, happier and holier life.

Christ is with you. Love is with you. And together you shall claim the victor’s crown.

The holly and the ivy,

           When they are both full grown,

Of all the trees that are in the wood,

           The holly bears the crown.

In the Name of the Father and of the +Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.